断水覆月

HoME6~9A零碎归总

HoME6~9A,魔戒草稿,2015.7-10索引法阅读

6

【旧名移用】老托表示,用旧名字是随机的,逃脱了魔戒出版时的审稿

法贡森林:Neldoreth

Glorfindel

There was a strange elf clad in green and brown, Galdor, a messenger from the King of the Wood-elves in Eastern Mirkwood.——总之小莱的名字是一开始就打算从树家族里选

Rohan曾名Borthendor,Ulthanador

City of Stone,City of the Land of Ond——刚铎前身,石头城

从卡萨督姆出来后的镜影湖Glassmere(今名Mirrormere),杜林奠基之地,巴林战死之所,精灵语名Helevorn——卡兰希尔要塞旁的Helevorn湖解作black-glass,原名黑湖,被Rerir山三面环抱,看上去水色深暗。对镜影湖的描述也有“幽深、黑色的湖水”。卡兰希尔正是首位与矮人建立交往的诺多领主。

Blue Mountains (2) Range south of the Misty Mountains. 410-11, 436, 440. 

Dimbar (I) Land between Sirion and Mindeb in the Elder Days. 432. (2) A region north of Rivendell.

【花絮】

Aragorn (I) Suggested name for Gandalf's horse. 

阿拉贡身份并非预设好的,也没有亚文

金雳原为Burin son of Balin

'the Three Rings of Earth, Sea, and Sky'

三戒是安姐造的,安姐会根据每个种族的需求和能力授予戒指,精灵要的是工艺技巧和知识智慧,世界万物的机理,而他们用三戒中得到的知识造出的一切都将成为安姐所有(只要安姐掌握至尊戒)。如果毁掉至尊戒,则三戒同废,但已做出的成果仍留——后改为精灵自己先造三戒,而后安姐造7+9

Moria之门:锤砧,王冠,新月,最清晰的则是三星;另一版本为王冠带七星,最清晰的是大门正中一颗孤星闪耀。老甘说是杜林和精灵的标志,并未提到费诺星,银拳没有交代出身——银拳的初始身份不是谁的后代,也不是三戒制造者,而是矮人之友(……梅格林的影子!),后文还讲到Hollin的精灵为跟西边矮人的交往修路种树

风云顶上没有吉尔加拉德的诗

吉尔砍落了索伦的手指,将魔戒交给Ithildor

老甘还提了一条路是把戒指送去西方——但去海港的路也危险,爱隆拍板说索伦一定在去海港的路上等着截我们,所以我们要出其不意送去火山

'Did Elrond make the flood then?' asked Bingo.

'No, I did,' said Gandalf. 'It is not very difficult magic

But a fish took the ring and was filled with madness, and swam upstream, leaping over rocks and up waterfalls until it cast itself on a bank and spat out the ring and died.

it was not till the second edition of 1966 that Finrod son of Finwe became Finarfin, and his son Inglor Felagund became Finrod Felagund.

  

“从古墓里扒来的Glamdring剑曾是Turgon的”出自HBT

1938.3,在出版商催促下写了三章,对HBT续集已感山穷水尽,忽得灵感,故事脱离掌控转向了未曾预料的方向——戒灵出现

在他写了无数次的开篇快要抓狂,说把心爱的素材和人物都浪费在HBT原作里了导致现在没东西可写的期间,老刘和幼子(小托)一直陪着他,点点滴滴跟进度……啊,多么和谐的家庭图景  p43-44

I am sure I could write unlimited 'first chapters'. I have indeed written many. ——自知之明!!

The trouble is that 'hobbit talk'* amuses me privately (and to a certain degree also my boy Christopher) more than adventures; but I must curb this severely.

I am personally immensely amused by hobbits as such, and can contemplate them eating and making their rather fatuous jokes indefinitely; but I find that is not the case with even my most devoted 'fans' (such as Mr Lewis, and Rayner Unwin). Mr Lewis says hobbits are only amusing when in unhobbitlike situations.

my mind on the 'story' side is really preoccupied with the 'pure' fairy stories or mythologies of the Silmarillion, into which even Mr Baggins got dragged against my original will, and I do not think I shall be able to move much outside it - unless it is finished (and perhaps published) - which has a releasing effect. 

青龙客栈原名白马客栈

树胡子原是巨人,反派,抓过老甘,又骗Frodo;出现在Neldoreth,但没诗

·(Gandalf) 'There are many powers greater than mine, for good and evil, in the world. I was  caught in Fangorn and spent many weary days as a prisoner of the Giant Treebeard. It was a  desperately anxious time, for I was hurrying back to the Shire to help you.  

·Six lines in Elvish tengwar are written here, which transliterated read:  

   Fragment from The Lord of the Rings, sequel to The Hobbit.                    

   Frodo meets Giant Treebeard in the Forest of Neldoreth while seeking for his lost companions: he is deceived by the giant who pretends to be friendly, but is really in league with the Enemy.                          

·信件:

   Six months earlier, in a letter of 2 February 1939, my father had said that 'though there is no dragon (so far) there is going to be a Giant'

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1942年写了第三册和第五册开头,年底停笔,44年4月才复工

it has been my intention throughout this‘History’that the author's own voice should be largely heard. ——这话听着怎么有弦外之音……

As the writing of "The Lord of the Rings" proceeds the initial draftings become more and more difficult to read; but for obvious reasons I have not hesitated to try to present even the most formidable examples, such as the original description of Frodo's vision on Amon Hen (pp. 372—3), though the result must be peppered all over with dots and queries.——向小托致敬!!

Anduin曾名Sirvinya‘New Sirion’

Nimrodel河曾名Taiglin——想到“有情人投水”这名字就跳出来了吗233

Tol Brandir:百科说是Anduin河的一个岛,粗看了看地图没找见0 0——画集:原来就是拉洛斯瀑布下落处的河心岛!果然仍带着图林故事的影子

Land of Shadow = Mordor——噗

Lothlann (1) Great plain north of the Marches of Maidros in the Elder Days. 313. (2) Region south of Mordor.

曾想给洛林边境搞一个双水分流处的青岛——所以盖拉夫妻也有贝露的影子?

笔记:(3) Elrond should tell more of Gilgalad?——然而并没有写

这个阶段加入了吉尔加拉德之诗,镜影湖怀古之歌,树人之歌

Moria门上出现了双树

亚文依旧毫无迹象,阿拉贡跟王女原是一对,依老托的习惯有很多设想分支走向(其中一条说阿拉贡太老太古板,恋爱故事砍掉!也有一条说王女英勇战死,阿拉贡终生不娶)盖拉给阿拉贡寄预言诗说,南方雪压绿宝石,王座之旁阴影中,见此就是你的天时到了——绿宝石戴在洛汗王额上,雪指老王的白发,王女站在他座旁阴影中,梨花带雨楚楚可怜,阿拉贡见之呆然木立,身外万物一时俱忘——又是庭葛美丽安的梗

‘very fair and slender she seemed. Her face was filled with gentle pity, and her eyes shone with unshed tears. So Aragorn saw her for the first time in the light of day, and after she was gone he stood still, looking at the dark doors and taking little heed of other things.’

哇哈哈哈老托还写过阿拉贡是图林的后代,爱隆的族人,半精灵等等,虽然立刻划掉了(王女变炮灰之后就进了芬朵拉丝mode果然不是我错觉?……小法跟葛温多也的确是同类的高尚君子)

王女称号Elfsheen

是洛汗王本人对老甘不客气,不是巧言(这时叫虫舌)

Eorl the Young出兵援助刚铎而获赠洛汗之地,参与的是最后联盟打倒索伦那一仗(后来变成抵御东方人入侵)

本册大咖盖拉,初名芬朵拉丝,也当过爱隆之妻(分居),手上是地之戒,夫妻俩是尚未加入王室家谱的独立角色,但显然是从维林诺来中土的,盖拉唱的歌意是落叶思归P284,但最后银树爱隆都选择不走:

Galadriel parts with Keleborn who elects to stay in the world and [?woods]. She is seen by Frodo in old age, when he and Sam see Galadriel and Bilbo (and Elrond? No — he has one [written above: 3?] [struck out: age] life of men still to rule in Rivendell).

盖拉送阿拉贡的礼物是剑鞘,送金雳的才是自己当时佩戴的镶嵌绿宝石的金胸针!金雳宣布自名Elfstone以纪念这份礼物,盖拉认可

菠萝蜜出使:……And those whom we defend shelter behind us, and give us much praise and little help.我来并不是请求精灵发援兵,爱隆的力量也不在于兵马(军人的高傲态度!笑),我是来问计和解梦的

‘But who are you, and what have you or it to do with Minas Tirith?’asked Boromir.

‘He is Aragorn son of Celegorn, descended in right line……’said Elrond.

——笑死,老托是还记得老三当过N国之王所以才同时启用了Celegorn和Minas Tirith这两个旧名是吧

这版断剑的来历:在安姐腐蚀下刚铎人内争,在抗击魔军的部队归来之际,城中反对派闭门不纳驱逐他们,Valandur在城门前愤而折剑,向北而去——罗成叫关XDDD;其后代子孙至今对刚铎人的背弃怀着怨怒,阿拉贡对菠萝蜜说:MT现在所望于我的是什么呢?回去帮你们打仗,然后再闭门不纳吗?

Frodo失踪后分组,阿拉贡和菠萝蜜去MT,MT围城,菠萝蜜黑化(被附体??),城主战死,人民选阿拉贡为首领,菠萝蜜嫉妒愤怒,潜逃去了萨鲁曼那里,图谋夺回权位,后被阿拉贡所杀——后来改线,决定让菠萝蜜再也回不去MT

菠萝蜜悼歌原为其父所作,名为迪奈瑟哀歌(虽然他是半路变成王子的)

小莱的白马Arod原名Whitelock也可以说是雪鬃嘛(洛汗王的正牌雪鬃写作Snowmane)

p453-455补充与卷五同期的两段,写三种精灵文字之源流,应为语文篇补遗:the alphabets of Rúmil, of Feanor, and [of] Dairon; also called the Valinorian, Túnian, and Beleriandic letters.(费诺果然是卷五变成语言学家的)D国碑刻字体起源于七河绿精灵(老托表示发明创造是诺多的天资),鼎盛于D国,向东传播到矮人,以Dairon命名并非是他发明,而是因为P先生的主要研究材料是戴龙的几首诗歌(后来在魔戒附录改成了戴龙发明)

但我是不懂为什么写字和刻字要用不一样的字体?

还有P先生在什么时间段去研究N国的碑刻了……

引了一张散页讲第一纪后地理,Fuin、Himling成岛(地图有绘),可能还包括阴山一些山头;吉尔在考虑往费拉刚之子转,领民构成为多数诺多+Doriath-Danians;和林则是不愿走的诺多之殖民地(原词)

安姐银拳故事来自蘑菇费诺的进一步充足证据P255,但费诺造三戒被蘑菇抢去这也太扯淡了,不怕叫宝钻读者笑话吗?所以改肯定是要改的,可能也是从这里萌生了把银拳设为费诺后代的想法

老甘战炎魔:'I am the master of the White Fire. The red flame cannot come this way.’ 

曾设想炎魔真身是萨鲁曼XDDD

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魔戒五六册稿子在Marquette大学(美国),小托编书时是找人家提供的复制件

1944年仍然差不多每章都读给老刘听,并且记下来

palantir最早出现没有说来历,老甘只是说刚铎衰落后即失踪→来自海西,诺多所造,相传即费诺本人;第一次出现契丹也是这段,老甘说契丹那里可能有一颗

‘Finduilas Elrond's daughter’产生于送旗子情节的修改,书末出现了【Galadriel must give her ring to Aragorn ( ..... to wed Finduilas?)】这么一条笔记

经小法解说,刚铎的习俗就是用古人名字取名,所以这本书里出现不少旧名字,王室之外,Cranthir(跟老甘有过交谈的帕兰诺修外围石墙的头领,今版Ingold),Damrod和Mablung(抓住Frodo和Sam的两个游骑兵),Diriel,Duilin(射大象的五百弓箭手首领,战死),还有刚铎向洛汗求援的使者贝伦/巴拉赫233,今版名Hirgon——暗影魔多的角色名字呀

Galdor又出现了,洛汗王的管家

Among the horsemen of Gondor appears【Húrin the Tall】, ‘Warden of the City’, changed at once to‘Warden of the Keys'. 此战后也曾参与决战索伦的军议。——MT城里还有一位叫Thalion的大叔,教训了要跟皮聘打架的儿子,今版贝瑞贡的前身;贝瑞贡也曾写作Beren son of Turgon

【Gothmog】lieutenant of Morghul

爱隆双子前来助阵,替父亲给A带话(提示走亡者之路),他们的名字最初写作Elboron/Elbereth,正是Dior双子最初的名字

Tumladen, Vale of In South Gondor, west of Minas Tirith

最早的MT手绘图,数也不用数就是七层蛋糕

‘Where Legolas goes, I go,’said Gimli ——哎哟

王女跟A继续评书式英雄儿女风云会发展中,并骑领兵246;哥哥和老王是另一路,相会不胜欣喜

As they drew near Merry saw to his delight that Aragorn rode at their head, and beside him was a woman with long braided hair, yet she was clad as a warrior of the Mark, and girt with a sword.

喜欢这个阳光且烂漫的王女胜过今版多矣,好甜啊这句话

Hail, Lord of the Mark, may I never again be taken from your side while you live still and rule the Eorlingas. Father you are to me since Eothain my father fell at Osgiliath far away.

王女和老王一同赴战,战死(杀了戒灵),A加冕之后是他们的葬礼

p359大战三阶段老王王女-哥哥-A,最后会师Eomer and Aragorn meet again on the field‘though all the hosts of Mordor lay between’,这句这句> <我不信老托写这场大战时没想到泪雨,而这次是象征顺应历史潮流新时代力量的人类所以赢了

进城见摄政王要王位,小法重伤,A去照料他一整夜,然后……??!老托你orz

Denethor will not yield Stewardship, yet: not until war is won or lost and all is made clear. He is cold and suspicious and ? mock-courteous. Aragorn grave and silent. But Denethor says that belike the Stewardship will run out anyway, since he seems like to lose both his sons. Faramir is sick of his wounds. If he dies then Gondor can take what new lord it likes. Aragorn says he will not be ‘taken’, he will take, but asks to see Faramir. Faramir is brought out and Aragorn tends him all that night, and 【love springs between them.】

更详细的版本写道:Faramir opens his eyes and looks on Aragorn and love springs between them. (………………老托的世界里love果然只有一见钟情这一种标准模式!

365王女为老王复仇斩戒灵(自己未死)的一版写得较详细(正文还没写到这里时已先把高潮段写好了),是真正勇敢无畏的女战士,气概胸襟也配得上当老王的继承人,完全不是今版生亦何欢死又何惧的苦闷绝望者,换女主她太亏了

But Théoden was not alone. One had followed him: Eowyn daughter of Eomund, and all had feared the light of her face, shunning her as night fowl turn from the day. Now she leapt from her horse and stood before the shadow; her sword was in her hand. ‘Come not between the Nazgul and his prey,’ said a cold voice, ‘or he will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation, beyond all darkness where thy flesh shall be devoured and thy shrivelled mind be left naked.’

She stood still and did not blench.‘I do not fear thee, Shadow,’ she said. ‘Nor him that devoured thee. Go back to him and report that his shadows and dwimor-lakes2 are powerless even to frighten women.’The great bird flapped its wings and leapt into the air, leaving the king's body, and falling upon her with beak and claw. Like a shaft of searing light a pale sword cold as ice was raised above her head.

She raised her shield, and with a swift and sudden stroke smote off the bird's head. It fell, its vast wings outspread crumpled and helpless on the earth. About Eowyn the light of day fell bright and clear. With a clamour of dismay the hosts of Harad turned and fled, and over the ground a headless thing crawled away, snarling and snivelling, tearing at the cloak. Soon the black cloak too lay formless and still, and a long thin wail rent the air and vanished in the distance.

Eowyn stepped to the king. ‘Alas, Théoden son of Thengel,’she said. ‘But you have turned the tide. See, they fly. The enemy is broken by fear. Never did an old Lord of Men die better. You shall sleep well, and no Shadow nor foul thing assail your bed.’

只看这段会觉得魔戒跟宝钻文风没差什么XD

Nazgul says to éowyn‘No living man may hinder me!’ she replies, as the text was first written: ‘I am no living man. You look upon a woman. Eowyn I am, Eomund's daughter. You stand between me and my kin. Begone! For though I have slain no living thing, yet I will slay the dead [> yet I will slay the Undead].’ 

——以【You stand between me and my kin】回呛戒灵的【Come not between the Nazgul and his prey】,帅爆了有没有

怎样的勇士、怎样的刀剑也刺不穿尸罗的躯壳!哪怕是芬巩(改:贝伦图林)亲临——哈哈哈哈

(尸罗原本就叫Ungoliant)

Legolas Greenleaf long under tree

In joy thou hast lived. Beware of the Sea!

If thou hearest the cry of the gull on the shore,

Thy heart shall then rest in the forest no more.

——这首判词总有种“钱塘江上潮信来”的感觉(…………)绿叶逍遥子,林中岁月长。一朝闻鸥唳,心逐海茫茫

Denethor抱palantir自焚

‘Victory is in itself worthless. Unless Gondor stand for some good, then let it not stand at all; and if Mordor doth not stand for some evil that we will not brook in Mordor or out of it, then let it triumph.’胜败存亡本身并无意义,若刚铎不为善,存而何益?若魔多不为恶,胜而何伤?

把二、三纪称为Middle Age——那第一纪是希腊罗马?XD

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第一章魔戒结束,后两章是新版努曼诺尔篇,那后两章还是完整看吧——小托太贴心了还两部分分开编索引!感动死了

他还费了一番心思想出“打倒索伦”这个名字来统一这本书~

小托也有耐心耗尽的一天——前言开口就说,到这本为止魔戒稿子整理完了!我现在是不会去整理魔戒附录的!> < 而且既然我爹写完魔戒很快就转回上古神话传说时代去了,接下来我希望把相关的主要内容整理推出

前言490-492,说收复夏尔跟今版迥异,但我懒得看了,有说直接把Frodo换成Merry什么的,老托一贯这样的写法嘛

UT图尔篇写于1951年

Frodo遥遥听见战场上的号声,是Elendil的号角,风光?风樯?Windbeam the Horn of Elendil

是Sam跟咕噜搏斗并将咕噜推下火山口

王女的台词“我爱,或者说爱过一个人”改成“我期望被人爱”……

Eowyn Lady of Rohan, golden as the sun and white as snow

But Legolas and Gimli here said goodbye, and went into Fangorn, and from there they purposed [? to journey] together to their own countries. ‘Alas, that our lands lie so far apart! But we will send word to Rivendell.’ And Elrond looked at them and said: ‘Send rather to the Shire.’

——爱隆这一瞥是什么意思啦2333

In the parting of Merry from Eomer and Eowyn they address him as‘Meriadoc of the Shire and of the Mark’,Eomer还送了祖传宝贝Eorl的号角

尾声Q & A:Sam答女儿问——感觉这篇里的Sam口吻疑似老托附身……

第一个问题就问金雳,第二个问小莱

老甘带着捷影上了白船

银树留在洛林,爱隆带走了大部分族人

小姑娘想起银树对阿拉贡的临别语,类比安慰Sam:我知道你也很伤心,你失去了珍爱的Frodo

Sam:偷偷告诉你,Frodo曾说过我的天时或许还未到,所以我在耐心等,我以后还可以跟银树一起走呀

女儿:那我跟你一起走!我绝不会像亚文离开爱隆一样离开你的!

The High Elves have nearly all gone now with Elrond. But not quite all; and those that didn't go will wait now for a while. And the others, the ones that belong here, will last even longer.

——人生如逆旅,我亦是行人

国王的来信黑底银字白绸扎束黑封印,努曼诺尔的审美是崇尚黑白?最后大战的正方军队穿白(VS魔多黑)

结尾Sam夫妻闲话当年:

Sam's coming back.” And you came.’

‘I did,’ said Sam. ‘To the most belovedest place in all the world. To my Rose and my garden.’

They went in, and Sam shut the door. But even as he did so, he heard suddenly, deep and unstilled, the sigh and murmur of the Sea upon the shores of Middle-earth.

——突然有一点心动的感觉……然而这篇尾声受到一致反对,老托无奈只好删掉,但仍觉得不写Sam和女儿不圆满

三戒也被称为蓝白红


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